Saturday, April 9, 2011

My girlfriend REALLY LIKES zombies

She does.

She's nuts over them.

So enthralled by their frivolous, gratuitous gore fest and silly, at times political, dark humor her fanaticism has long passed the border of survivor to obsessed, crazed, flesh-rotting delight.

I never suspected. It's not as though she wraps herself with a decomposing pashmina to keep the other flesh-eaters at bay, or keeps a clip of zombie killer bullets in a drawer. Although--Hold on, let me check...

I wouldn't put it passed her to tease those unearthly stumblers with such a snubbing taunt.

This latent interest manifested itself when on a lark we decided to catch a late-night showing of George A. Romero's, Land of the Dead. We double-dated with some friends, and meeting at the theater, grabbed the usual rounds of popcorn, licorice and Mr. Pibb (when it was served and then replaced by that no good imposter, Dr. Pepper.)

Don't ge me wrong, I really enjoy Romero's slick, artsy, politically charged zombie films, but for me that's where the obsession with the creepy stumblers ends.

I like me a good slow marcher post-apoc horror flick just like the next guy, but her like for zombies is equal to my like of sci-fi/fantasy genres, she says.

Meh, I can relate on that level.

When Chewbacca hits that guttural roar you know he's about to tear some Stormtroopers apart.

Watching a zombie flick with Shan is like watching Sex In The City. She starts rooting for the zombies. Not the humans. The zombies.

If I was ever heard rooting for the Stormtroopers I might have a bounty on my head. Might be the only way I could ever meet Fett, but hey, who's complaining.

If I have to go out in the Star Wars Universe, getting offed by Boba is no where nearly as bad as getting shut out by Captain Needa, "preparing to ah," he gasps.

Gasping zombies on the other hand is just part of the endless noise. Like laser blasters, groaning zombies do the film make.

Over time, I learned to sympathize for the zombie. They're kind of helpless underdogs. I like rooting for the underdog, even if the underdog is crawling after my drumsticks.

Still, not all zombies are stumbling, likable, groaning buffoons. Some are downright mean beasts hellbent on world domination. All they want to do is eat. Like jocks after football practice. All they want to do is stuff their faces with pizza. Human pizza, in the zombie's case. The entire deadly lot is the evil twin of Pac-Man, chomping away at the nearest Person-Pill.

Does it surprise you to learn she proudly joined the millions of viewers who tuned into AMC's, The Walking Dead, last season, and that she downloaded the entire series from iTunes, which gobbled up something like a few gigabytes on her iPhone?

Wherever she goes she takes the zombie apoc TV show with her like a membership card into an elite group of fans who appreciate survivors teetering on the edge of sanity.

I just wish I could get her a promo poster or a copy of the graphic novel or even one of those posters. She would really like it, I think. I support her tame, geeky addiction of zombies. But, really, do I have any legs to stand on? I was the first one in the house to buy Zombieville for my iPod.

Yeah, I admit it, I'm a bandwagon zombie fan.

Around here, it's fright or fight.

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